I’ve had a lot of female friends in my life and have been the “friendzone guy” forever. I’d be that nice guy she’d come crying to after some guy who banged her all night just vanished. There were many nights I’d go home with a painful, unfulfilled erection. Then through dumb luck, and some reflective thought I found a winning formula to break out of the friendzone. The best part of all this is I’m not going to sell you a product, or hide this information behind 1000 paragraphs of bragging and marketing trickery. It’s all right here. For you to read.
I’m currently in a relationship with someone I’ve known for 9 years. We were both married at one point and now as life and the Gods have their cruel jokes, our lives aligned to where we could be in a relationship.
So how did I go from the friend zone to the boyfriend zone with her? Did I subliminally do some mind tricks on her? Absolutely not. What I did was I got to know her.
If you’ve ever been friendzoned, or are the nice guy no one dates here’s some quick tips. Be confident, be honest, be patient. I cannot stress patience enough. Many girls I knew for multiple years before ever dating. Some real world examples will be below this.
The Reason you Clicked the Link
1. Don’t Sell Yourself: If you meet a woman who has a boyfriend, don’t immediately dismiss her. Some relationships are convenience. It’s morally acceptable and easier to have sex with the same guy than a new partner every time she’s a bit horny. This may be that relationship. So get to know her over a period of time. If a woman is attracted to you, she could consider you dating material. As glanced over above, a lot of men will meet a woman who is in a relationship and immediately write her off. This is a huge mistake. I’m not suggesting that you become the shoulder she comes to cry on or anything. What I am suggesting is that you can get to know her, because you never know where life may lead you down the road.
Just be yourself and relaxed. Side note, I’ve gotten more action from woman I don’t want, than I have ever with a woman I want. This is because I am more relaxed, confident and myself around the ones I don’t want. Get to know her. Be yourself. Have a good time with her, and see if natural chemistry develops between you. When you are genuine and take the time to get to know her as a person, she actually might start to look at you in a different light and end her relationship. I’ve also lost woman this way. I treated them as a convenience item and not as a partner.
2. Don’t Be Afraid To Express Yourself: The way so many guys get themselves into the eternal friend zone is that they play it too safe. They act in a very passive-aggressive way toward her. They are so afraid of really expressing to her any indication of their romantic interest in her, that they go out of their way not to express any feelings toward her at all. For example, instead of really asking the woman out on a date, they will ask her to hang out in a group. So instead of really talking to her and clearly asking her out on a date, guys will nervously ask a woman out on a “non-date” kind of date. The reason why it is almost a foregone conclusion that you will end up in the friend zone in this situation, is because you have never asked her out on a real date. You ask her out – to barbecues, to happy hours or to parties – but it’s always to join a group of other people. If you’re interested in somebody, you need to ask her out so it’s clear to her that you are asking her out on a date. For better results, ask her out on a one on one “non date”. Sometimes woman are guarded and will reject dates. I have a story about a non-date going great…
Let’s Be Honest here. Feminism has destroyed romance, courtship and dating. There I said it. Yes, the war against gender, Masculinity and femininity has made life harder and more confusing. Tucked deep inside a woman’s brain she wants a man. A real man. She wants to feel helpless and weak. Yes woman are strong. They are independent, but they are also filled with emotion and need to feel powerless and safe. What feminism doesn’t understand is just how intoxicating femininity is to a man. It makes the man crazy and willing to do anything for her. It triggers our animal selves that layers of society has buried within out psych. Society and feminism cause massive anxiety, neurosis and other horrible behaviors because it all conflicts with our programmed nature. Let that sink in, it obviously wants something.
3. Be Patient: Many of my best relationships have been with women with whom I was friends before I became romantically involved with them. To do this, you must be patient. Most men want the immediate gratification and won’t bother to take take the time to befriend a woman. For example if they can’t get involved with her romantically right now they don’t want to have any involvement with her at all. You have to stop thinking about the immediate right now. Not every woman you meet today is going to want to go out with you tonight. I tell guys to think of befriending women they meet like building a portfolio of interesting people with whom they can get together in the future. You need to treat women you meet like long-term investments. Just enjoy getting to know them as a person right now, because you never know what may happen. Chemistry just might spark between the two of you.
Real life example: When I recently became single, I had a portfolio of woman that I was on friendly terms with during my relationship that I could instantly call on. I went on a few dates, found the one I was most interested in and focused on her. The others may be around later, they may not. But you should never dismiss anyone from your life just because you want bone time right now. You lose great opportunity for friendship and relationship.
4. Don’t Wait to Take Action: Don’t ever ask a woman’s friends to tell you about what she is thinking. Never ask them what she thinks about you. If you are interested in a female friend and would like to get out of the friend zone with her, then you need to man up and ask her out on a date. Take the risk. She might actually feel the same way about you as you do about her. She may have been developing a crush on you too. Importantly, you cannot be afraid to lose her as a friend!
You, however, don’t want to have to live with the self-torture of never knowing if you could have become romantically involved with her. Don’t wait to take action, thinking that will say something to you if she is interested. Even if she is interested, she might never say anything first. So don’t ever wait. If you’ve got a crush on a female friend of yours, you need to call her and say “You know what? I want to go out with you. You and I need to hang out alone.” Make it clear to her that you want to go out on a date with her. It doesn’t matter if she says yes or if she says no. It just matters that you take the chance. You will define the relationship one way or another, and then you can move forward.
Dating takes a lot of patience. It takes a lot of perseverance. The best things in life, in fact, tend to pay off when you have patience and perseverance. No one is ever completely successful the first time they do something.
So start being willing to take your time. Take time to look at all the women you’ve met in your life, and think about whether any of them stick out as being someone you’d like to get to know again. Perhaps she’s someone with whom you became friends when you first met. Send her a text or call her on the phone. Who knows? She might be more receptive to you the second time time around
Stories you can Safely Ignore or Read for your Entertainment
Case 1: Make a move
So a few years ago I was in a group hanging with some friends and this amazingly tall woman walks in. I stop what I’m doing, lean over to my friend and “call dibs”. I invited her over and we struck up a conversation. Come to find out we came from the same state and had a lot in common. But nothing came of it because point 2 and 4. I was afraid to take action and I didn’t express romantic desire. Friendzoned.
We saw each other here and there at different social meetings, but we’d just talk and hang out. Eventually I started dating a fiery Mexican woman for a bit. But every time this girl (We’ll call her Rebecca) walked in she’d greet a few people and come to sit near me. I’d ignore my girlfriend to talk to Rebecca. Then we’d start chatting everyday on Facebook. I eventually broke up with the Mexican because she was that convenience item and she knew it. So one day Rebecca alluded to romance. She would share links to places and talk about her dreams.
That was my queue to mess up bad. So at some friend’s house party I was sort of like Velcro to Rebecca. She got a little mad and I just stopped talking to her knowing I messed up. But maybe I didn’t. Nope. I messed up. I started to date another girl but we were on and off. So during that off phase Rebecca and I went out with some friends. But they left earlier so it was just the two of us left (the outlast method i’ll write about later). We had some drink, not stumbling, just buzzy. It was cold so we go sit in my car to “hang out”. She was talking and talking and well you get the point. So I leaned in and kissed her.
Boom friendzone broken!
We made out in the car for a while. Then we dated for a while after, but I was dumb…
Case 2: Casual Non Date, Date
Ok, I’ll admit I had no intention of dating this girl. That’s where things always go wrong (right) with me. After years of zero contact, I found her on facebook and she invited me to a party. A few months later I became single and decided what the heck. I invited her out just to hang out with so I wouldn’t be alone on that day. She had thought we were meeting friends even though I was picking her up. I brought a flower as is a custom to her country (She’s not from the USA).
We went to the restaurant, she was sort of surprised it was just the two of us. I explained why and she was fine. We had a good time and she did something funny that changed my perception towards wanting to date.
I dropped her off, it took her way too long to say good night, but no attempt to kissing. I had to figure things out and not rush from one relation to another. Well, I invited her out again the next weekend. At the end of the day she started getting closer, but I was not wanting to make a move. But as I was saying bye, i kissed her.
We’ve been dating ever since and hopefully this “sticks”. This round I decided to not go casual, not to have a convenience relationship.
Woman are naturally guarded. Every time they leave the house, they’re bombarded with offers of penis. There’s also so much pressure that is put on dates, dating and well, it just causes so much anxiety. The non date, date works because you are both actually more relaxed. You can be yourselves more and actually get to know each other.
Contrary to the beliefs of feminism, sure woman can make the first move. But they’re not programmed by thousands of years of nature to. Woman appreciate and melt for a strong man who is confident. Being in the friendzone is a chance, but only if you are man enough to break out of it. There is always that subconscious sexual attraction between male and female friends. Not having sex puts a woman in a position of power because the man desires her. Having sex does a power shift to the man. That tension is no longer there between the two. To regain that control she would need to cut the sexual connection at the potential loss of her “friend”. It’s complex and this is just a surface scratch on the topic.